Навеяное последним днем ноября

Как-то больно в груди и тоскливо в душе,
когда понимаю что не вернется ко мне
что больше улыбки и  взгляда не будет,
не будет твоего двоякого привет,  укрытых взглядов, шепота в ответ...
 Хотелось бы чтоб снова стало все как было, все как надо
или чтоб тебя забыла, иль не заметила когда то.
Хотелось бы чтоб наша встреча
исчезла вдруг из сердца и души
и не придеться тихо плакать так,
как поймешь лишь ты.
Нам звезды о нас говорили, не поняли лишь мы тогда,
что будущего не сулили, предупреждали нас тогда.
И листья тополя опавшие слагались словно в образ нам
 и там не замечали сообщения ими арестованного нам.
А стоило, увы не сделали, мы то о чем просили нас
а вот и время исполнения, вы держите меня, я - вас.
И так осталась бы навечно, приклеились бы навсегда,
но снова - лишняя беспечность.. ведь так не будет никогда!
Не суждено ведь нам остаться вдвоем вот здесь и так стоять,
мы вынуждены расстаться и уж не встретится опять.
И лишь запомним этот вечер и легкий кофе аромат
и то тепло и ту улыбку что не увидеть мне опять.
Теперь глазами улыбаться он мне не будет,
или же будет - но не мне и тихим голосом знакомым не обратится он ко мне.
И пусть! Пускай так будет, пусть расстаемся мы с тобой,
 но я лишь повторяю снова "ты мой, ты только мой"..
как глупо, глупо признаваться самой себе, что я люблю,
тем более в такое время, когда уж больше не могу.
Хотя теперь не представляю, своей я жизни без тебя,
ведь все что было, что имела это лишь Ты.. а где же я?
Саму себя я потеряла, когда увидела тебя и то желанье, что имела - исполнилось!
Вот мы вдвоем, мы были вместе пусть не долго.
Но вместе были - это факт.
И пусть уже это расставанье разрушило вокруг за раз..
но я надеюсь, даже верю, возможно - глупо, но равно
что через пару лет, возможно, ты позовешь меня в кино.
И будет это в другом мире, и город будет не знаком,
 но как услышу голос снова - я полечу к тебе в окно.
И мы друг друга не узнаем и всё равно ты будешь ждать,
 пока вдруг снова не надумаешь меня по имени позвать.
И я узнаю, в этом голосе слегка удаленную грусть за то что время уж потеряно,
которое нам не вернуть.
И не было другого выхода чем расставаться нам тогда,
но вот ты снова меня держишь и шепчешь "больше никогда"!

Worlds AIDS Day

Today on the 1st of December we have a International AIDS Day.

It's really hard to understand what a problem for the humanity is AIDS. You should be really happy person if you haven't met such a person. It's hard to imagine how should feel the members of the family where someone got HIV. His/her life changes..

Ukraine has one of the greatest statistics of this desease in the world. Why? I can't understand that fact. Where is there is the brain of that people? Why aren't they thinking even about themselves? Is it really so hard to wait for a couple of minutes and buy condoms? Is it so hard?

If you think thta it's easy to live with HIV/AIDS - you're wrong. Your life changes. You should try to live in big safety. Why? Because even a little problem with health could cause great problems. Your immunity system is very low. And every problem can cause death..

I really advice everyone to think about your future. Lov should be safe.

Think about yourself, trust in your partner - use protection!!

Me, Freud and ukrainian feasting

The material tat Id like to sare wit you mainly is devoted to te electins in Ukraine, tat ave place on te October, 28 2012.
I'd like to share some information about the candidate of the radical political party - Oleg Liashko.
In my point of view, his adds were very interesting for anlyze for every political analitic.One of his main ideas was the promise to do feastin all deputies, who vere stealling "the rich of the ukrainians."
Below you can  see how is TV adds looked like.

But it's not te all wat Id like to share with you.
I've found some information about him. In 1993 he got arrested because of having some sexual relations with children..
It's hard to find te film about it. But I have link, and you can watch the video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDxuvST89E4
It's full version..

Now I want ask all the people who are persuaded that people never change, could he become another person?
I know that he started on these elections with his own party and probably he has changed his political colors but are you sure that if he'll get the power and find some strangth to do that promised feasting, I'm afraid that it would give him great pleasure..Mostly sexual.. It's a little bit stupid, I know. But for a second, could you believe that he'll get to the power? No. But where do such stupid ideas as feasting come from? He has imagination like a sexual maniac, and i think that feasting was his dream... (Freud could be proud of me!!!!)

It's just somereflection about such a strange man as Oleg Liashko. Nevertheless, you can ave your own ideas about all tis stuff,

 

I need to write..

I know I promised to publish some analytics,  but i have had so much work that only now I have a short break. Shame on me!!!
I'm sorry!
I'll try to change. But I have some stuff what I'm proud of. I've finished my chapter of my Masters paper. The second one. It was about the Russia as the regional super power in the region of the Central Asia and Southern Caucasus.
Now I have two write two articles. One about te geopolitical strategy of Russia and the second, I guess, will be about the relationships between Russia and Turkey..

Last few days I read a lot. A lot of poetry. What is really strange for me. I was never fond of poetry.
Some time ago, when I was a child sometimes I was writing some ppoems by myself..
Today I've writen a poem. Again. After a lot break..
I ask you not to criticise me.. It is just my feelings..

Перевернув календаря слегка потертую страницу
как долго ещё мне будет снится под мягким солнцем ноября.
Всё прожитое, всё былое 
что было и что быть могло,
Но не случилось нам такого, 
не значит, ведь, не суждено,
Лишь остается с нами чувство несказаности некой..
ну и пусть! ведь это значит может скоро мне с вами быть когда нибудь.
опять ходить под лунным светом и улыбаться как тогда..
и даже если уж такое и не свершится никогда
мы будем помнить это время, что вместе с вами провели 
и улыбатся словно дети воспоминаниям любви
несостоявшейся пусть даже!
 Ведь было всё предрешено,
 оставив след, как оставляет в бокале красное вино..

Lot's of work

Hey, hey!!

I know that I haven't writen here since last two weeks. There was a lot of resons why I hasdn't time to write here.
First of all I got the information, that I didn't get the job at the AMS. And I'm very-very happy about it.
As I've written before - it wasn't job of my dream. And when I got a phone that after the interview they've decided. that I'm very good and they'd like to recrute me. I had shock. But that fact that I cann't work on the full-time job was the only reson why they hadn't recrute me.  And I'm very very happy!!
Now I'm working on my Masters paper. I also have to write 3 articles for different journals.
At the moment I'm finishing one about Kirgistan. I couple of days I'll write here some main ideas of the article. The deadline is 11/4/2012. So it will be pretty soon. I hope to finish it tomorrow.
Thhis year I'll have a group! Yeah! Real group of people whom I'll teach German. Last year there was no people who'd like to learn German. But this year I'll have maybe 5-6 person.. I'll see them on Friday..
My real group..

So it is. My last two weeks in short.
Wait for my articles. I'll write the main ideas here.

Aha, one thing more. I'm searching for a PhD program in Europe on IR or Political science.
 I know that there's no big auditory of readers of this blog. But if there's someone who's reading it at the moment and he/she knows something about the PhD programs- I'll be happy to get some information.

That's the end :)

And a song for you!

Stay yourself

Maybe you remember my interview, I had couple of days before. And that philosofy of what I should do with all this..
So here comes the end. I was on that interview. I tried to be true. I was just telling what I'm thinking about. All th equestions that were asked I gave the answer, wich I thougt would be the best one.. I wasn't nervous.. I tried to stay myself..
I saw how the work athe corporation looks like. I understood that I don't want to work there!
And I was very-very happy, when on Friday they called me back and told that I was really good at the interview, and they want to hire me, but that fact that I'm still studying and have to go to the lessons cannot allow them to hire me. They'd love to, because I was great, but they need someone who could work for them on their full-time job.
But I was so happy to hear that words! I really don't want to work at such place, so now - I can normally start to write some of my articles and write my MA paper.
And I hope that later I'll be able to start work at some think tank...

Liar, liar, liar

I don't know if you remembeer, but some time ago I was writing about the hard resiccion about should I go to work, that my friends have found for me or not. Ib sum, I've decided that I should try. And here it is! The last day of my recrutation process. Today I'll have an official dialog with managers..
You know what would be really hard? To tell the truth. Yeah! If you'll analyze the work of such big corporations as AMS, where I'm going today, you'll find and understand what answers they want to hear. They want you to become depandant on the work you'll get, they want you to work on your career growth and wait long untill it'll happen. They want you to spend all your time working for them. And the best motivation would be - getting new experience and the willingness to work in a large international team.
And for that purpose they are making a lot of promotion films about the company, where smiling people are telling their histories and telling "magic words" that without AMS they were nothing, that here they could develop themselves, they are doing the work of their dreams and so on.
So tell me, how could normal person, who comes to such last stage of the recrutation stay true? Now I'm just a student and in the next year I'm going to start my PhD in IR. It's my purpose. But I have to help my young sister, she started studying medicine this year, and, in case of that I understand that I should get some money. And work in such corporation is the best decission. And how I can in such situation stay true? I hate liars and I don't want to become one of them..
At the moment I know what they wat, and they think, that they know what I want...
I'll have meeting at 12 p.m. So we'll see what the end would be of all this history.
Wish me luck!!!

My day of the literature

Today I was thinking about the literature.
Everyone has his/her favourite book. Even more - we have our favourite writers, sometimes we like the whole epoch.. I thought that I was such a person. If I'm reading it should be only Classic, it doesn't matter if it's prose or poetry.Only Classic.. Dostojevsky, Tolstoi, Yesenin.. only Classic Russian Literature.
Some time later I've found some new russian writers - R. Roshdestvenskiy and some other. And, you know, they are great.
But I was sure that I'll never read something of the postmodern.It's owfull literature and how domeone can read it. And today, when I was listening to the one of the best poems of the R.Rozhdestvenskiy, in recommendended videos I've found one video.. It's called Post-modern poetry.. And I think It's great..
I won't tell nothing more, just want to show you both this videos.

Collective memory

Finally!!
Finally I've found time and topic to write some analytics, as I promissed in my pilot post.
This aummer I had great oppotrunity to visit Byelorussia. And after this visit I've made some conclussions about Slavic mentality.
I was born in Ukraine, but I was drowing up in Russian media sphere, now I'm studying in Poland and that my last visit to Minsk showed me such an interesting difference between this 4 ethnic groups.
I hope that you know, that all these ethnic groups are Slavic, our languages are very similar, and culture also doesn't difference a lot.
All of these, today independent, countries has its own politics in all spheres. But we all have some moments in the history when we were together and today it'ss interesting to see how different are the opinions of the residents of each country on the same question. I've analyzed it on the example of the Soviet Union as a moment in their history.
And here are the conclusions.
Maybe, youve admitted, that Russia in the last years tries to show that that everything that was done and achieved in that time it was only because of that fact that Russia was the leader in the USSR. Of corse if we'll look in the past we'll see that the main actor in the SU was Russia, but in the question of the II World War we can not say that it was only the achievement of Russia. If we'll remember the statistics we'll see, that russians, ukrainians and byelorussians were fighting together. They all died for the USSR..
And today Russia tries to change such understanding. The President of Russia doesn't lose any moment to say that Russians were fighting, that  they died and he tries to underline that it was really not Soviet Union but Russian Union..
In Ukraine you'll see another situation.. They admit that fact, that they were in the Soviet Union, and that part of them were fighting on the one side with the russians and other, but all the time they say that they also were fighting contra USSR. And you should'n remember USSR but the ukrainia nnational leaders as St. Bandera and other.. Theey tries to show that the whole time that Ukraine was part of the Soviet Union they were trying to become independent Ukrainian state.. But histotical  facts are showing to us some another history. That Badera was collaborating with Nazi and he was helping them... But it's another history, it wasn't my topic..
In Poland the siituation is more difficult. First it that fact that Poland never was a part of the Soviet Union. It was  occupied by the USSR army, and it has it's own government but have to comply to Moscow. The residents of Poland, honestly, even today hate everything that is connected with Russia. There were a lot of organizations that were fighting for the independence, but it was impossible. You should remember Szare szeregi, AK, NIE and other..
And, finally, Byelorussia. You know, it is the only country that doen't try to write it's own history or to rewrite as it's common in Ukraine and Russia. They know a lot of great and sad moments in the history of the Soviet Union and they admit it. They understand that it was such priod in the history.. It's very unsual, comparing all the previos countries.. And, you know, you can meet people, who are proud about that fact that the USSR is their past.. It's amazing!
I think the reasons of such  differences could be explained by the politics of the each country. Russia always was trying to show how great power it has. Ukraine is seeking for it's own way, and now tha nationalistic parties and groups become more popular, so it could be normal.. Poland as a European country, now the EU member tries to forget that history. Only the Byelorussia, even that there's a difficult situation in the country tryes to hold that ideas of the SU and bring them to life..

Music that made my day

I remember, I've said that in this blog I'll try to write some analytics and other stuff, that could seem to be interesting and kind.
But today it would be an exception.
I was surfing a little in the Internet, trying to find new music and.. I've met him.
It's rare moments when music can bring such feelings.. It's hard to explain.
I think you'll love it.

Job or study?

You know what - whole my life I was dreaming to meet people who'll become my true firends, who'll help me in different situations. Now I'm happy to admit, that I have such friends.
As I've written before, currently I'm student of the 5th year at the university. Mainly in this year I heve to write my Master's paper and do some research. Knowing all this stuff, my friends proposed me a job in the international corporation. In sum, this work seems to be easy' cos my work will be to find the people, who're looking for the job, make some phone interview with them and then send their CV to the companies. And all this stuff will be in Russin.
As I'm Russian native speaker, it won't be hard work for me but I'm a little bit afraid, that this work would disturb my study. On the other hand - it's a great opportunity for me to get some experience, during my study..
So this two weeks I'm a little bit nervous. I really don't know what to do. I want to have experience, and to earn some more money than my scholarship affords me. But I also want in the next year to go to the PhD studies..
So I'm in such strange situation. Honestly, nothing disturbs me to take this job for some month, 3 or 4. And than I can fire. I'm free person.. Or I can even not get this job' cos only on the next week I'll have the conversation there. (but the reality is so, that there is not a lot of Russian speakers here in Cracow, so I'm sure for 68% that I'll get the job).
 So it is. I should decide.. I've never been in such situation before, and it's hard for me. But my friends encourage me to get the job so now I really don't know what to do...

Something about the perspectives in the social sciences

Last three days I've spent being in the organizing team at the International CEEISA Congress for International Relations here in Cracow.
Earlier I was thinking about what I'm going to do after I'll get my Master in IR. Sometimes I had thought like "maybe I should go on studying and make PhD".. But  I didn't know much about it. And today I'm totalle sure that I should do PhD.
Analyzing whole IR and poitical science, everyone would see one problem. It's hard to find a job afteer your graduation. Even more - it's almost  unreally to find job after you'll get the Bachelor degree. Ok, you can work in the caffe, or as a secretar but nothing else.
It's easier if you have Masters degree. Than some thinktanks in your country can open their doors for you. But the chanses that you'll get there sometimes are very miserable. So if you want to find a good job in the fiekd of social sciences the best way for you is to do PhD degree.
I'm currently finishing my Masters degree, currently I'm trying to write my paper and I'm going to start seeking for the opportunities for the PhD.. I hope to find some opportunities in Europe..
So it is..

The pilot one

Hi there!

I won't adress this blog to anyone because of many resons. First of all, I n' really know what I'm going to write about. Ans second is that, that my own point of view doesn't pretend to become the truth.
But I hope that this blog will contain some theory, some analytics and other things.

So, if you'll find something interesting to read here, I invite you to leave your comments.